That's a Nice Man-Skirt You Got There!

Ah yes, the man skirt. Also known as the kilt. You may think I'm being ignorant or offensive by calling it a man skirt, but really, I love kilts. You see, I'm in love with a kilt-wearer, so I kind of feel like a cheerleader for the modern kilt movement. I mean, kilt-wearers can't really be their own cheerleaders because dear god, we don't want them jumping up and down too much...

Over the last few years with Makal and his handful of Utilikilts, I have learned a few things about today's kilt-wearer. One is that they are a genre unto themselves, these modern men of ancient dress. Go to the right event and you will see them here and there, rarely congregating together in large groups but always aware of the others' presence. Wearing a kilt today, it's like being a Highlander--you just sense when another is near. And if you don't believe me that kilt-wearers are their own sub-class, consider this: Well before I met Makal, I met another kilt-wearer, Karl Elvis. Now, most people look at Karl and go damn, here's a man unlike any other! The shaved head and the tattoos and piercings and stompers and kilt and wicked gleam in his eye. And while yes, Karl is something strange and weird and totally unique unto himself, there are more like him. Terrifying thought, I know. But now I've got my Makal, who has piercings and tattoos and shaves his head and wears his kilts and yes, has quite the wicked gleam in his eye. And I bet you know one of these guys too.

Another thing I've learned about kilt-wearers is that footwear is very important, and does a lot to establish your veteran status in kilt-wearing. For example, a few years back I went to an mc chris show in Eugene at the WOW Hall. Now, him being a nerdcore artist, all the little nerdcore kiddies came out en force, and rivaled in numbers Eugene's dirty punks that hung out around the hall looking for free tix. So inevitably, there was gonna be a tubby fellow who right then felt a little "too old" to admit he still had fun at SCA events, and had a bit of cash to toss around after a particularly good quarter in the tech industry. Tubby SCA nerd, meet the Utilikilt. But somehow there managed to be not one but three concert attendees wearing Utilikilts that night, one of whom happened to be Makal. Of the other two, it was easy to tell who actually wore their kilt as a regular item of clothing, and who was "dressing up". One guy was similar in appearance to Makal, right down to the 1/2 inch ears. The other guy... wore his tshirt un-tucked, and had white socks on under his plain gym sneakers. Riiight; maybe you'll get there someday, kid.

The type of guy who wears a kilt regularly is not only stylish and can dress himself, but is, most certainly, a pervert. I mean, I know that kinky sex and nerdiness pretty much go hand in hand, but kilt wearers are just a class of their own. For one, you've got the obvious exhibitionist factor, because if you are wearing a kilt you better expect at least one bold lady (who may or may not be inebriated) to come up and ask if you're wearing that kilt "traditionally". She might even try to peek. And as a perverted wearer of kilts, you might just let her. Or encourage it. I think this is a good time to point out that if you want to be dating the type of guy who wears a kilt, you really have to be okay with this type of behaviour. Expect it, and expect it regularly. Those perverts. And for two? Well, I'm sure most guys are familiar with the appeal of a button fly on women's jeans. Utilikilts, at least, are just a belt buckle away from a very... eye catching flourish of removal.

Despite being intimidating looking, body-modded sex perverts with a penchant for wenching, I've never met a kilt wearer who didn't rival the last for sweetness and sincerity. Seriously? These guys are snuggly-wuggly little bunnies compared to what you might think about them based on their exterior. You can always rely on the man in the kilt, for he is probably the most authentic, chivalrous man in your presence. No doubt, if it comes down to a scrap these guys know what they're doing, and they are far more likely to be in the defensive position than offensive. It's probably not even their fight, and they just had to step in to put some fear into the heart of whichever jerkface was trying to start something unnecessarily. Being little bunnies at heart, they don't want to hit you. But they will, repetitively, if you make them.

Just more proof that kilt-wearers aren't as scary as the outside world might think them: Many come equipped with the ability to do their own laundry! This obviously relates to them being fairly stylish. And while I realize this might only be important if you're planning on dating one, I think it's also a good sign that these men are responsible adults (despite evidence to the contrary). If you're going to wear a kilt regularly, you're going to wear it hard. Modern kilts--Utilikilts, especially--are designed to be do-anything, go-anywhere marvels of pleating. So kilts will get dirty, quickly. And while spot cleaning can go a long way, eventually they'll get washed. And dried. And wrinkled. And thus, the modern kilt-wearer learns the valuable art of duel-weilding a can of starch spray and an iron. How is that not a sign of emotional maturity?

As much as I love kilts (and the men who wear them) I have to admit that, like any other "niche" piece of clothing, I am not very excited to see their popularity grow outside the established kilt-wearer genre. It's like when Hot Topic finally moved into the city mall during high school; my years of scavenging for black fabrics and obscure cuts in "normal" clearance sections was thwarted by the store's mass provisions of black, cheap, and easy. Being goth was no longer quite as fun, because I was no longer that different from all the other mopey little kids (even though I knew that my wardrobe took years of hard work, not just mommy's credit card). So to now see similar things happening to the kilt, it makes my heart a little sad. Obviously, selling Utilikilts on ThinkGeek is perfect target marketing. But it makes me worry that the aforementioned skiddies with extra cash are going to be the only ones purchasing. And even then, they probably don't even realize that kilt sizing goes beyond your basic S/M/L, so the kilt probably won't even fit them right. But Utilikilt sells another unit and gets their logo on yet another right butt cheek, and some tubby little geek gets don a bit of cool, so hey, everyone's happy.

Thinking about mass-adoption of cultural uniqueness makes me sad, so now it's time for a fun video! With kilts! Mmm, yes, it's a bit of kilt eye candy. And this video does a wonderful job of showing another of my favourite facts about kilt-wearers: they are hot. And accessible! Haha, bad kilt pun. This video wins not only for the cute guys in kilts, but for its dance routines a la marching or pep band, and for the wonderful coordination of their "uniforms" with the instruments. And, it just plain rocks.