No, no, not SPAM© spam; the mail-spam spam. I've been perusing my junk mail folder lately—Gmail may rock but I still get assloads of spam—and unsubscribing to "future updates" when the option is available. Surprisingly, I've noticed quite a decrease in the amount of spam I'm getting since. One account was receiving upwards of 400 pieces a day (not a lot comparitively, I know, but still a lot considering I sign up for nothing with that address) and is now down to about 50 a day. C'mon, that's pretty good!
Yet while doing the repetitive open/scroll-down/click-unsubscribe-link, I did find a couple interesting pieces. One is the picture to the right*, an ad for, well, I have no idea what. But hey, the colours and pretty and brite, the girl is happy, and I'm sure the product and/or service would fulfill every expectation I'd have of it (were I to know what "it" is). The second piece of spam enjoyment I'd like to share is quoted below. I found it on the scroll down to the unsubscribe link, and was at first a little baffled at the "Joke of the Day" introduction. Joke of the Day? As in, you're sending me spam daily, each with a different joke? (Yeah, just about.) I had not, however, expected the joke to be as long or as truly politically correct and historically referencing as it is. I've had to read it out loud/forward it to a few people since then. Really now, it's a spam joke(!...joke spam?) and who would expect a retelling of the Three Little Pigs to be so understanding of Cuban politics? Make sure to read the disclaimer at the end too. ;)
*Just want to point out that while the screenshot shows that that piece of spam was sent from whoever to linda, I am not now now have I ever been or will ever be linda, nor do I know her. Just covering my bases here.
PC Three Little Pigs
Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were indigenous to the area they each built a beautiful house. One pig built a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination.
But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw.
The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture."
But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down thehouse of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the house had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a banana plantation.
At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!"
At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fibreglass reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkelling and dolphin shows.
At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, 'Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!' This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations. By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.
The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine-guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs.
Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone. {My note: Well it is a fairy tale after all.}
Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.
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