More Fun with Spam!

I can't help it, I'm addicted to playing around in my junk mail folders. There's just so many tasty unexpected delights to laugh at—or grimace about—that I would never know existed if it weren't for junk mail. Today I got one that inspired both reactions in me: spam for the "first" plush nativity scene. Yes, plush nativity. Like little stuffed animals. There's Mary and Joseph and plush little baby Jesus, the three wise men, and even farmyard animals. All there in soft plush luxury, apparently with the purpose and intent of encouraging your kids to touch them and, hence, learn. Now, I may be one of the least biblically educated people in the world, but I'm pretty sure that were there a God, he would not want us to learn of the birth of his son via plushies. I mean, what if little Katherine Sunshine was playing house with the nativity set one day, and her mean brother Jeb decided to steal her favourite doll (Jesus, I'm assuming...) and, I dunno, feed it to the dog? Launch into space on a rocket? Toss it in the fireplace to see if it changes the colour of the flames? What if?! That seems like some sort of blasphemous or heretical act and I don't think God would want that. Besides, think of what sort of lurid opportunities a plush nativity scene would provide to those with a plushie or furry fetish. Actually, don't. Don't think about that.

Also on the spam front, a less disturbing email was from what I think was a Japanese dating site. I'm not really sure why I'm getting spam for a Japanese dating site (I'm neither Japanese nor anywhere near Japan—though perhaps the spammers are psychic and are tapping into my fetish for many things Japanese) but the email did provide some amusement, despite my ability to read a word of it. First, check out that graphic. The text consists mainly of little hearts. Wouldn't that be great? That's what really got me about this junk email, how great it would be to get random email just full of happy little hearts and love. I wouldn't mind getting spam so much if it was full of love like this one! It makes me want to send people I know email that, at first, seems like it has lines of text and content and such, but is really just full of hearts. If any of my businesses ever spammed people (err, umm, I mean cold-called, via email...) I would fill the email with little tiny hearts. Even if they don't want my product or service, they may at least have been made to feel loved, and delete their spam with a smile on their face and a fond farewell.