At Least I Wasn't at Wit's End

This past weekend I finally got to seeing Pirates of the Caribbean III: At World's End. Makal's parents were up for the weekend and on Saturday we had a pirate marathon, watching the second movie at our apartment then going out to dinner followed by the third film. After we got through the half hour of commercials and trailers (honestly; they started 15 minutes before "showtime" and went 15 minutes after) Makal and I settled back into our well-cushioned theater seats to enjoy some piracy of the big screens. I know, I'm coming in late on this one, but I can't help but voice some of my thoughts on it.

Overall, I liked the movie. It was a sound third installment in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" series. I was pleased that the first half of the movie did not rely on past schtick material as heavily as the second movie did, and I thought that integration of some of these running gags and inside jokes were much more subtly integrated. Definite plus. Another aspect that I really liked was Keira Knightly's Chinese pirate captain costume. The colour was really pretty--okay the whole thing was pretty--and it made her look pretty bad ass. And she was pretty bad ass! I was happy to see her move into a role of leadership, what with her being a woman and a noble to boot.

But the things I didn't like so much? The events that left me wanting? Sadly, more numerous than the things I can directly point to liking.

This movie needed more junks!
First off, Chow Yun-Fat. He's a cool actor, and he's portrayed a plethora of interesting characters over many movies. I haven't seen most of those, so when I do see a movie he's in, well, I'd like to see more of him. You'd think, the way they played up his character (Captain Sao Feng) before the movie premiered--releasing a character poster of him and namedropping like crazy, Captain Feng would have lasted longer in the film. Or at least, you'd think we'd have seen him pirating a little. And I mean, look at that armor! They really set this guy up with the works. But nary a battle did Feng see... And surely, who doesn't enjoying seeing a little junk on the big screen? They're so freaking neat looking!

And everyone needs a little more magic...
I'd also expected a lot more from Calypso, and by "Calypso" I mean the angry trapped goddess, not Tia Dalma, Voodoo Priestess; though I would've taken more of either of them, frankly. I bet you didn't even realize that character had a name, did you? That's how little they emphasized her, when she could have had one of the largest roles (pun intended) and added one hell of an interesting personality to the movie(s), watch the second movie again and you'll see she does a heavy amount of foreshadowing that could have interesting implications for her character. Hell, they set her up with one hell of a sub-plot, and made such a big deal about Calypso's arrival that you'd think the character would have stuck around. Btw, thanks, Disney, for not only having tentacle rape in this movie, but adding in a bit of gigantism! It's nice of you to include a bit of obscure fetish action for the adults in the audience.

Nobody needs this much Orlando Bloom
Another thing that continues to irk me about the Pirates movie? Their continuous casting of Orlando Bloom in an action-packed and romance-filled lead male role. It might get him points when auditioning to play an elf, but I think he's just too pretty to be playing a pirate. My mom said it best when watching the first movie: "He moves so gracefully at times, I wouldn't be surprised if he's had ballet or dance training." Pirates don't dance! And they certainly don't look like they could dance! I mean, maybe a jig or two, but not a pirouette, that's sure to find you walking the plank (and you can take that as literally or figuratively as you like). And while Makal and I both liked this particular costume shown at right, he still looks like he stepped off the cover of a harlequin romance, doubly so after he takes on his new role in, err... life...

More junkies would have been nice too
And speaking of junks, I could've stood to see a bit more Keith Richards. I mean, it's Keith fucking Richards! The internet was all a-gaga over Disney casting him to play Jack's old man, and the fact that Keith Richards was going to be acting in a Disney-produced film. Yet how much screen time did he actually see? Granted, I didn't expect it to be a huge part (he's not exactly spry anymore), but I expected something... more. More than him playing librarian, that's for sure.

And how about those mixed messages?
There are two very important messages I learned from this film:

1. Pirates are cool, they are an equal-opportunity brotherhood bent to protect man's ability to quench his (or her) thirst for freedom.
2. Companies are bad. The East India Trading company wanted to steal freedom from the righteous pirate brothers, and force them to work for the government.
3. Wenches have the best cleavage.

Okay, so that's three, and one of them wasn't actually new info to me. ;D Nonetheless, I really hope more moviegoers noticed the irony of the first two. Ironic because this movie was made by Disney, one of the largest, most publicly known companies in the world that is very fond of its copyrights and channels of legal distribution. The fact that not one, but three of Disney's best-selling movies in recent years have been based on a historically merciless and violent career path while simultaneously making the title of Pirate "cool", well, yeah. It makes me laugh.