I'll Take the Road Less Traveled, Please

Tonight I spent 30-odd minutes discussing my imminent move with my mom. Now, I am a horrible daughter, and tonight was the first time I breached the subject. Horrible in that I am moving this week, simultaneous to her moving. Because really, why the hell would I want to move all my shite to a house at the very end of suburbia only to turn around and move it all back an hour in the opposite direction? Doesn't make sense. But yes, at least now she knows. She views it all quite logically and seemed to take the news rather well. I did get one mini-rant, and that was on the fact that she feels I need to spend some good quality time with myself outside of a relationship so that I can get to know me better or something.

She argued (well, stated) that I've been in one relationship or another since I was 18 (truthfully, it's since I was 14, but I digress) and she'd like to see me spend some time single. Now, I've had that conversation with people before and wasn't about to go into it with her, but when she brings it up she always irks me. How is it that being alone is the only way I'll ever develop a healthy personality? Is my current state of emotional- and mental-being not well-rounded enough and somehow unfulfilling to the way I want to lead my life? That's a matter of opinion, really.

It's true though, the last time I was single was before my first boyfriend, whom I started going out with in 8th grade. Since then my romantic interests have either overlapped or nearly so. What can I say, I don't really like being single. I like men, I like sex. And in that, I like not being slutty, having intense emotional attachments to people, and I like the level of commitment being in a relationship brings, no matter how "serious". My mom seems to have this theory that the road to self-discovery is a car of singledom gleefully running down assorted male pedestrians with passionate abandon to see just how the impacts affect the steering. Maybe it's just me, but that sounds neither appealing nor healthy.

Apart from the sex and stuff, I do have very good reasons to always be in a relationship. One being that I simply like to serve others. Okay, well not others as in anyone (if I wanted to do that I'd be a waitress), but others as in a significant other. Yah I know, I'm old skool. Crazy Merrick and her dreams of being a housewife. Whatever. It sounds odd to most, but since I was very young (I'm guessing the early teens) I've had this theory that in this life I was meant to serve men and that I would be damned good at doing it; no matter what skillsets I came across along the way, my greatest achievement would always be in my devotion to pleasing man. It always amuses me when feminists argue that a woman can not be strong and in control of her self and her life if she is submitting in any way, shape, or form to a man. (Although in that, if a woman submits to another woman, why is that "okay" for feminism?) Put me in a room with one of those women and I will ferociously debate with them the empowerment found in submitting to a man (in a healthy way, of course).

And as is probably quite obvious at this point, I like relinquishing a level of control and power. I've always been prone to being almost too polite in my interactions with some. Always asking if I can have a cookie or if I can get up to go to the bathroom or do this or do that, etc. And after a time of doing this, I'd always get people reprimanding me for always asking their permission when it's supposedly my own right to do/have whatever. And there I was, getting in trouble for simply trying to be polite and courteous. Self discovery through being single? I think that I'm much more prone to achieving great levels of realization through the freedom found in being in a healthy relationship, namely one where my traditional views on servitude and public etiguette don't go unwelcome.

Update: Shortly after posting this I talked about it with Makal, and He asked me to point out several things. One, that this relationship was wholly unexpected by either party, especially in the extent to which we so quickly and easily took it (like I've said, I never expected gk2gk to work in hooking up two geeks in a successfully romantic manner). Also, now I do indeed get to experience someone enjoying not just my submission but also the "nice, well rounded person that [I] have developed into" (His words). Because really, what dominant person wants a pet with no personality? Not He. :)