Damned If I Don't Know It

There is a certain personal enjoyment to be taken from others' reaction to your appearance. That is, when you look damn fine and you know it, and you see other people noticing just how damn fine you look. I felt that way this morning and recalled how much I do enjoy it.

Women choose their attire for a variety of reasons. To present an image of trend and popularity so as to gain respect from their peers. To be comfortable for their own benefit. To look good for a person/event or for themselves (because it makes us feel better when we dress for ourselves). But let's face it, some women, I being one of them, try and squeeze all these things into one outfit. I want to dress in a sophisticated yet trendy manner which will maintain my standing with my peers, be comfortable in what I'm wearing and feel good about it, and turn heads. I am always quite proud with myself when I can accomplish all these goals.

Yes, there are downsides to going out into the public being... eye-catchingly dressed. There are cat-calls, furtively honking drivers, greasy perverts and an infinite amount of bad come-ons. One needs to develop a certain protective sheath of confidence for being in public while looking dangerously sexy. Over the years, I have continued to perfect my "fuck off" aura. A tall stance, chin held high enough to be strong yet not snobby, and an almost imperceptible sense of ego. People won't mess with you if you have ego. Although sometimes it does happen, the dude's generally drunk or similar. There are always people who attempt to break through the "fuck off" aura.

And so today, walking the three blocks between the bus stop and the shop. I was aware of several men on the bus watching as I walked away. Walking by a pedestrian, I knew before he did that he was going to have a second look after I'd passed. Intersections are the worst (or best). Standing at the crosswalk, nothing to be doing and nowhere to be looking except across the street at the signal. But even with my attention to the walk signal I could see the drivers as they sped by, taking notice as they neared the corner; and I could always catch their obvious glance in the rear-view mirror as they moved away. I am always amused at how men can be driving with their wife/girlfriend/partner, and still manage to check out a pretty girl passing by. They do it on the street too, which always struck me as brave. (But then, those boys are too busy noticing said pretty girl to also notice their girl also checking out cute chicks. I'd think catching that could be more of a turn-on than a 5-second view of a random person.)

I do not take offense when I get "unwanted" attention when I'm dressed nicely. I mean, I did dress to impress, so why get upset when I do? Of course, catcalls and honking does get old. But they are innevitable (and sometimes amusing). Mainly I take satisfaction in knowing that others find me somehow attractive enough to do such things. Maybe I'll be part of their fantasies later that night. Sex is a strong tool, and it is empowering when you know how to use it.