Hit or Miss Communication

I'm not convinced that communication in our technology-ridden age is any better than it was 15 or 20 years ago. That was a time before email, SMS text messaging, and cell phones overtook us and we still functioned and got things done. But I know I feel safer when I can carry a cell phone with me, with the ability to instantly communicate with Makal should the need arise. I enjoy that I can chat with him online all day, or talk to other friends, without limiting the amount of incoming communication I receive. It's a convenience and a luxury, this technology we use. But sometimes I'd be more than happy to go without it, and resort to snail mail and land lines. At least with land lines, callers don't expect you to pick up immediately like they do with cell phones, just because you can have the latter with you 24/7. (Momus agrees)

I don't know if there's something going on with my astrology charts or what lately, but my communication attempts seem to be hit or miss. I feel like I go from having courage to say what's on my mind to having 20 things to say but feeling like they're all worthless. Where's my median? My horoscope from Tarot.com said:

"It may even seem as if your split personality has finally become two separate people. Nevertheless, your inner and outer personalities still must share your body, so, no matter how you do it, get the two perspectives communicating with each other and on the same page."

So, fabulous; I get no median, but at least my two extremes will be in synch. :P

My main/only client right now, J of the movie project, wrote me an email the other day saying that my "hot and cold" communication was starting to annoy him, and he wasn't sure what to do about it. It's true, I'd have "off weeks" with him where I wouldn't reply to emails, though they were never of an urgent nature and I'd always catch up when I had an hour to go through everything. I replied with a very straightforward email, stating that yes, I'm sometimes rough on constant communication and I'm sorry about that, but also outlining some of his habits that are inhibiting not only my want to communicate, but my ability. He sends a lot of emails during the day (and night), using the "stream of consciousness" email method (every time he had a thought, he'd email it). If I had a (functioning) cell phone, I know I'd be getting called constantly instead.

So in my reply, I not only apologized but outlined some of the things he'd been doing that were causing me frustration. (Example: Out of 10 emails in a day, at least one would be a "cancel that"; of the remaining 9, there'd be three short emails each on three separate subjects. Not very effective.) I was getting bogged down by his over-communication. I suggested some practices that would make things easier for me to process, as well as help him focus and finalize his thoughts before putting them out into the world. I was worried when I didn't receive a reply before bed to any of the handful of emails I responded to, thinking that he was perhaps mad at me for my direct methods.

Yet in my inbox this morning, I had an email with the subject "One big reply"; inside he not only responded to everything from yesterday, but sectioned things by number so he could reference them in other sections. Ingenious! He also said that he was nervous *I* would be offended by some of the things he said in that email, so I'm not alone on the "Is direct and honest communication the best?" chain of worry. But it is so releaving to think that we've reached an understanding on where each of us are with the project, and how we can get to the finish line.

On the opposite end of that success story, there's my attempts to communicate with a blogging/online friend. Last year we were emailing constantly and I was really enjoying the friendship. Then some things in my life changed, and became more hectic for me. I can only focus on so many things at once, and when I'm spread throughout different social groups in real life and online, one of them is going to have to take a break before I can get things back on track for myself. And last fall, the only option was that my online dealings paused—blog reading/writing and emailing. There was just too much going on and I couldn't do it all. Again, I didn't communicate what was going on very well with friends, so a lot of people thought I'd just dissapeared (essentially I had).

So when I once again had the time, and got back in touch with my friend, he was kind of hurt by the way I'd acted. Fair enough; I copped that it was irresponsible and kind of mean of me, and I was sorry. But over the following emails, something didn't seem the same. I don't know if it was the way my life has changed that made me see things differently, but I didn't know how to handle my thoughts. I took the lazy way out and just stopped emailing again. Stupid, I know, but I have a habit of doing that when I don't know if I can trust my own thoughts or emotions on the matter. So when he emailed me again recently to say "hey", we chatted a bit, and I presented to him some of my thoughts from before as to why I had stopped emailing. I was trying to solve my earlier indescretions by being open and honest about my thoughts, be they right or wrong. It was my attempt to encourage communication and resolve what had happened so that we could perhaps be friends again. But I have yet to hear from him since that email.

I have no way to know if his busy life is taking over and pulling him away from the computer, or if he just doesn't feel like responding. Eye for an eye, I guess. But it saddens me to think that something I said, in my attempts to be honest, could have cost me a friendship. But I guess the friendship was already down for the count, if not even something as powerful as honesty could ressurect it. Where do I go from there? As much as I miss him as a friend, I don't feel it's fair for me to just keep apologizing.

You can see how these two examples leave me with mixed emotions on the whole "honesty is the best policy" direct-communication method. I have learned the obvious lesson of needing to stay in communication with people on a more stable basis, but remain undecided as to whether my attempts to communicate openly are a boon or a hindrance. It seems to be hit or miss, depending on the situation and person involved. I don't know what the qualifying factors are for it to be successful—if I did I'd have written a book by now—so I'm stuck with the rest of you, making a guess and hoping the person doesn't hate me afterwards.