The Drive to Win

So Makal pointed out to me last night that it's been almost a month since I started camwhoring again. Time has sure gone fast! But it's true; I started on Oct. 13th, and here we are at Nov. 9. I've seen a girl on there "celebrating" her one-year anniversary with modeling for the site. Guys would wish her many more happy years, and she'd reply, "No, wish me many less!"

It's not a career for many of the models, it's a source of income that is easy, low-risk, and kind of fun. I've known girls who made $1000+ a week modeling but were gone as soon as their credit card was paid off; I know girls who've been working for the site for at least two years and show no signs of leaving. I don't intend to work for this site for years, but I'm not going to say that I wouldn't ever do that. The longer you've worked, the easier it is to get shows (because you build a fanbase of regulars) and the less time you actually have to work. /shrug

This week I've been averaging between 4th and 5th rank on the site's top models page. Which is pretty good. The highest I remember ever getting when I worked before was 3rd, but that was months into it. Maybe I can get there faster this time. (Update: Makal says I was, early this week or late last week. I didn't see it though. :P)

Yes, I'm competitive like that. I don't plan on ever getting top spot (that's held by one of the aformentioned veteran models) but second wouldn't be bad. We're coming into the holiday season, and if things still work the same, that means bonus pay competitions in Dec. for how many shows you do. Given how quickly I seemed to reach the top 5, hopefully I can gain a little more footing and remain in the top 3 during the contest duration. Most of the top models from before are gone now, leaving me for room (since I still feel like a youngin'). But then there's the new girls.

Two new models started last night, and they're already in the top 10. They're young and cute, tan and thin. I dislike them for that--not because of who they are but because they fall so easily into the porn stereotype of appearances. I'm not thin, and definitely not tan (too many lights on and my video turns me into a solid white 2D body) so I automatically feel threatened by these girls who could get into the top 10 their first night. (All the more power to them too, I'm not the jealous type.) But it's natural, in a sexually-charged environment where you're judged and purchased based on how you look, to feel threatened by a newcomer (or two) who you feel looks more appealing than you. I'd never make it as a stripper.

But I tell myself, these girls have nothing on me. I highly doubt that they could talk about video games with guys, or indie porn, or heavy metal music. But then, most of the models don't really talk much, keeping their chat to things along the lines of "Mmmmm yah Im sooooo wet 4 u bb!!!! Mmmmm cum fuck me Ill cum hard yah" and the like. Whereas I can actually construct sentences, such as the ones you're reading here, and do things like use punctuation and good grammar. Yaknow, use my *head* and all.

And I've pondered before, do guys like that? Am I doing the world of porn and online adult entertainment a service by showing some guys that sexy girls have brain? Play video games? Own businesses? Or am I scaring off all the foreign guys who can't speak very good English, or the guys who just want to watch a girl wiggle around and don't care if she talks? I could be losing shows by showing my brain. Say it isn't so! But I know that I simply cannot degrade to horrible chat lingo and long lines of a sssssssssssssingle character.

So, here's to competitive spirit. To hoping that I can give men's brains a little kick and show em what for. I'm not jaded about any of this, and despite how I may sound at times, I'm not bitter. I'm a girl, and I am competitive against other girls. I think I should win the game. Not that there's any actual game in play.