But Really, Happy 4th

So to those of you who are doing your thang, getting messy-faced with backyard barbecue wings and igniting small bits of colourful and over-priced gun powder, happy 4th of July. I plan on celebrating by consuming mass amounts of iced quad mochas just for shits'n'giggles (okay so I'd do that any day of the year). But remember as you celebrate this great day, that it is in fact considered desecration of a national symbol when you print the American flag (that means white stars over blue, red and white stripes) on any item that is not, in fact, an American flag. Consider that while your patriotic "I <3 America!" self is destroying the two-ply symbol of our nation's independence as you clean that barbecue sauce from your face.

Oh, and there's some kid in Bangladesh who's never had barbecue-anything but sewed your "Kiss the Chef" apron with his tiny non-Caucasian fingers (think about that too, you hungry nationalist bastards).

And if our nation's most famous symbol really gets you going, check out the fine patriotic form of Trixie. Damn but that woman is a knockout! I guarantee you'll see the flag in a different light — or at least be seeing stars. (Har har)